i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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