She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize