i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
