im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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