Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
