Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
