people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize