We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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