Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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