in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Do vagina's smell?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She needs sedatives and a leash
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
