Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
