i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
