so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Randomize
