I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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