This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
