I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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