Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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