Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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