seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
