So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
