I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
