some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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