Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize