i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
