He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
