I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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