no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
