I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize