So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
We left an ass print on the piano.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
