If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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