Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
