Got a toothbrush?
We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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