Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
