sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
