I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize