White coat. Heels.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
