My liver just broke up with me...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
