I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
