I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
