No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize