Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
