I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
