I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
