i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize