She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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