I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
