I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
