I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
either way he was missing a nipple.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
