Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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