I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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