On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
