I smell stomach acid.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
