Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
