does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
