i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
He has the fingertips of a God
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
