It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
