I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
