I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
