I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Can I color on your dick again?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
the liver wants what the liver wants
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize