I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
