I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
