I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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