marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize