Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
