I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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