dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You're like the curious george of whores
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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