evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
You are a genius and a whore.
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